 100% True History From the Annals of the Church salutes Pope Stephen (Steve) V, the only pope to accidently declare himself to be a fake pope by using papal power he never had according to his own shortsighted declaration. It is almost as if we can hear his voice echoing down the long corridor of history: “Hooray! I’m irrelevant!” "Hooray!!! I'm Irrelevant!!!!" Pope Stephen V (died September 14, 891 AD). Known to his friends as Steve, Pope Stephen V is yet another example of why the Protestant Reformation was/is a good thing. It was the 9th century. The Church was increasingly a political power to be reckoned with in Europe and it was led by one unusually knuckleheaded man called pope Stephen V. When Steve became pope in September of 885 he had a largish bee in his tiny bonnet concerning a previous pontiff named Formosus – a man who was more or less Stephen V’s chief political rival. According to Stephen there were very troubling questions about the character, qualities, and qualifications Formosus - so much so that with vigilante enthusiasm Stephen V determined to have these questions answered by Formosus himself. The only slight hitch in the plan (as Stephen well knew) was that Formosus was dead and buried. Did this deter Steven V? No way! In a show of single-mindedness that demonstrated both laudable commitment to the cause and laughable consternation Pope Steve ordered Formous’ body to be dug up, dressed up, and set upon a courtroom chair for questioning. That’s right! The corpse of Formosus was subpoenaed and – with a little help from his friends – arrived in court on time. However, as one might expect, the accused had little to say in his defense. When the trial finally came to an end Stephen V saw to it that Formosus was found guilty of many things, including violations of canon law and perjury. But most importantly for our purposes Stephen V saw to it that Formosus was declared a complete and utter fraud who had wormed his way into the Church. According to Stephen V, Formosus had been a false bishop and therefore he had also been a false pope. Because of these facts, it was declared that all of the acts undertaken during Formosus’ time as pope should no longer be considered valid. Thus it was made official and Stephen V smiled in satisfaction. He had accomplished his goal and in one fell swoop he had managed to undo the entire legacy of his hated rival Formosus… or so he thought.... (This is where the story gets really good!) There was only one little detail that Steve had forgotten about but when it came to light the pope quickly realized that in addition to undoing the legacy of his rival he had also managed to cement his own legacy as a nincompoop, dimwit, birdbrain, and a complete fathead. Why? Here’s why. Steve had gone to great lengths to declare ALL of Formosus’ acts invalid and he had accomplished his goal apparently forgetting that it had been Formosus who had ordained Steve many years earlier. This meant that Steve had accidentally declared his own ordination invalid, which meant that like Formosus, Steve was not a valid pope… But the plot thickens… Shortly thereafter the Church realized that if Stephen’s ordination was illegitimate making him an illegitimate pope then nothing that Stephen declared as pope should be considered valid or binding including the trial and conviction of Formosus whose reputation and legacy were returned to him. For Steve however, the damage was done and the big pointy hat and popemobile were passed to another.  The corpse of Formosus on trial |
Rev. R Crabtree"...a son, a husband, a father of 6, a friend, a Presbyterian Archives
November 2022
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